Where is heaven?

It is hard trying to explain to young children no matter what belief system you have what heaven is.  Where is heaven? How do we get there?  And why do we go there?  My father in law died Thanksgiving morning of this year.  He had been ill and we were worried that he might not make it, but he seemed to be getting better.  In fact the doctors were talking about taking him out of ICU the day after Thanksgiving.  So when we got the call at 4:30 that morning that he was dying, it came as a shock.  He quietly passed away before anyone could get there.  So that put us in the position of having to tell the two youngest children ages 6 and 4 that grandpa was gone.  Gone???  Where???  He went to heaven to be with heavenly father, he will be happy and peaceful and he will be with his mommy and daddy and all those who have gone before him.  But why?  Because that's life that's how it works.  My 4 year old says "Will grandpa still have Christmas with heavenly father under the ground?"  I explained about our souls going to God and that our bodies stay here but that concept makes no sense to them.  They just know that grandpa won't be coming back and that they can't talk to him or see him ever again in this life.  What about all the plans and promises they had made before he got sick?  I wonder how the kids feel inside about that.  My 6 year old daughter is having a really hard time.  She asks all kinds of questions and crys at school and my 4 year old has been acting out.  I know he does not realize that this is because of his pain and sadness from his loss that he does not even understand yet.  Him and grandpa will never work on that old car or have a sleepover in the new sleep over room like grandpa promised, and he just does not understand why it will never be.  I wish there was an easy way to explain death, I can't even grasp it sometimes.  It makes no sense, we are born, we live we die.  So then what is the purpose of all of this right? Well don't look at me cause i don't have the answer and neither does anyone else!  Life is to complex with so many little intricate details to not have been planned by some grand master, the one who gave us life and breath, the one who created our souls.  His plan or his idea of all of this I am sure makes sense to him and is not supposed to make sense to us mere mortals.  But our love for each other, our children, our parents, our spouses and God's love for us and ours for him connects us in so many ways.  And that connection I believe is where heaven is...follow those trails of love through our lives from beginning to end and it will lead us all back together again someday in a beautiful and joyful reunion! 

Unexpected losses.....Vanessa 11-16-2011

The month of November was one of the worse months I have ever experienced.  I have had bad times and bad experiences of course in my life.  And this was another one of them.  All of it unexpected.  Sad, empty, and still in shock over the death of my 23 year old cousin...who went to bed and never woke up...what the hell???  She died 11-16-2011.  Her name was Vanessa or ness or nessa as she was called.  She was a beautiful blonde haired hazeled eye girl with a huge smile and dimples.  She was a cheerleader and played softball and had many friends.  What happened Ness?  I hope we will receive an answer but, I almost feel as if we won't.  Her mother and brother are broken up of course.  Her mom calls me crying and wanting help with her pain and sadness...I don't feel like i have much to offer, I am afraid i might make the situation worse.  So i feel uncomfortable talking to her, it makes me sad to feel that way.  But maybe its my fear...I don't ever want to be in her shoes you know losing a child so.....I don't want to deal with her reality, how unfair right?  I helped raise Vanessa a little bit when she was younger, i can still see her squinty little eyes and blonde hair in her little red jammies.  It was just yesterday that she was a baby...just a baby how fast time flew.  How we never get to know the moments we have.  If only we had even a slight hint as to how long you may have how different would things be?  We might love a little deeper and hold a little tighter and never say horrible things.  I remember the last time i saw Ness she was at Wal-mart we had a quick conversation and that was that.  The next time i saw her she lay at the coroners office, I went with her mother to comfort her and help her through her time of sorrow.  I am unsettled I am frightened why?  I do not know.  All i know is ever since this terrible thing happened I have been deeply, deeply affected by it.  In ways that I am not ready to reveal on my blog just yet.   But i am hoping that just writing about it and getting some of these feelings out might help with my inner fears or the things that are taking place.  I need to feel some kind of peace or healing with this.  But i am not sure if I can right now....at least not until i can figure out what is going on!  Good bye Vanessa I hope you rest in peace and that you are with God, please watch over us.  Love you!